I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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