Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
