I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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