when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
