so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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