Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
