Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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