So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
