haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
