I think I won the penis lottery.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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