I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
