The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
