Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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