i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
