i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
