I can text with my tongue
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
