Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
