so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize