I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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