a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In America we eat man semen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize