I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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