Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
