Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
