I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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