I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
And then he peed in my hair
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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