If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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