I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
