Dual....:-)
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
