When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
