I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
