Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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