Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
