I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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