apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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