just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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