this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
