you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
