She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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