I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
