so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
