after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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