Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
