So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
