Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
