I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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