Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
