youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
