So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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