He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
