It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
