it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
