i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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