Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
