U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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