i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They took my balls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
