So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
