oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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