So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
