He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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