he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
