giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
