K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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