Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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