I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
