Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
