Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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