Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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