two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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