She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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