I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
