they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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