We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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