i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
