No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
